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Quantum Terrorism

12/28/09 @ 02:38:06 pm, Categories: Baka-chan Brings The Funny, Baka-chan vs. The World, Random Randomness, 189 words, 1697 views  

What it is I could have possibly said to elicit this, I do not know. Perhaps Swift knows me too well, but a question was posed that led to all manner of hilarity.

[12.28/12.41.24] <+Swift> What manner of dastardly plan are you concocting, you?
[12.28/12.41.36] <@Baka-chan> Who? Me?
[12.28/12.41.37] <@Baka-chan> :3
[12.28/12.41.43] <+Swift> Yes.
[12.28/12.41.44] <@Baka-chan> I concoct no plans.
[12.28/12.42.10] <@Baka-chan> We all know that my acts of global terrorism are wholly spontaneous.
[12.28/12.42.26] <+Swift> lol

And now for the inevitable, random, and yet somehow totally epic interruption by Shin_Getter… (With spelling corrections for those who can’t translate shinglish.)

[12.28/12.50.19] <Shin_Getter> the truth is Baka-chan resides in an indeterminate state of terrorism at all times, in which all possible terrorist acts coexist simultaneously, and mere mortals are only capable of witnessing one possible result of Baka’s rampage as their feeble powers of observation can only observe one possible superposition of the outcome

This resulted in Swift scribbling a quick and hilarious 4koma. Now all we need is an audio clip of what Shin wrote in a Hawking-esque synth voice.

Imagine if you will...

06/26/09 @ 04:05:58 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The World, 448 words, 1196 views  

Okay, let me paint a picture for you.

Religious groups in Iran start a stink about American pornography, calling it obscene. They start putting pressure on the US government to do something about it, and— giving in to demands —the government begins the process of banning pornography outright. Adult video and book store owners are arrested under existing ‘obscenity’ laws, pending passage of the legislation that will actually make their wares illegal.

If I laid out this scenario for you, you’d say I was fucking crazy wouldn’t you? Guess what? It’s happening.

Prompted by the outcry of feminist groups and soccer mom nanny patrols in the US, Canada, and Europe, what started out as an at least semi-reasonable attempt at industry regulation is quickly starting to look like it will become a blanket ban of all illustrated erotic material in Japan.

It started with outcry over a game that people are calling a ‘rape simulator’— and let’s be honest, the game in question was exactly that —which led to a reasonable attempt to cut down on the amount of rape scenarios in eroge. In all honesty, it was a measure that I had no problem getting behind, because I am a reasonable person and yeah, rape is bad okay?

Lolicon stuff? Sure, fine. The more extreme end of that spectrum disturbs me. After that, things started getting out of hand. Kemono-mimi? (Cat ears, bunny ears, etc) Really? Well let’s just ban maid outfits and schoolgirls while we’re at it. Wait I didn’t mea— FUCK!

So yeah, the ’slippery slope’ just got re-graded, and they sprayed it with fucking teflon while they were at it, because if it becomes illegal in Japan, you can bet your ass it will be illegal here, TWICE. If things keep up, wanting to whack off to ero drawings will be a crime itself.

They’re CARTOONS. What’s the big deal? If an illustration can be obscene, you are validating it as a form of pornography. Meanwhile, there’s plenty of non-illustrated women getting raped, and non-illustrated children being exploited and abused. Not to mention the still perfectly legal non-illustrated pornography in Japan, some of which is more bizarre and disturbing than ANYTHING I have EVER seen in any eroge or manga. So get some fucking priorities or get some fucking consistency or just simply GET FUCKED. Because honestly, it’s not even MEANT for your consumption, so you don’t HAVE to fucking approve of it.

There must be no mistaking what this really is: Ignorant, xenophobic, westerners who scour the internet for things to get offended about so they can spend their free time trying to HATE IT OUT OF EXISTENCE.

Order is restored.

04/01/09 @ 03:14:08 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Anime Community, Baka-chan vs. The World, 69 words, 1071 views  

(CNN, AP, Reuters, et al.)
Thursday April 2nd, 2009

MITHRIL’s S.R.T. LAGUZ, in a joint operation with the JGSDF Special Counter-Terrorism Task Force has retaken Tokyo Toshokan from the Communist forces. Special commendation has been extended to Baka-chan (a.k.a. LAGUZ-1) of the Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom and the other members of his Special Response Team who participated in the operation: |Tigerhawk|, iDuckie, LobsterHime, Chibi-Dyaran.

Breaking news!

04/01/09 @ 12:35:17 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Anime Community, Baka-chan vs. The World, 129 words, 1142 views  

(CNN, AP, Reuters, et al.)
Wednesday April 1st, 2009

Communist forces have used the confusion created by April Fool’s day and the possibility of an attack from the Conficker worm to take over popular Japanese media bittorrent site Tokyo Toshokan, renaming it Běijīng Túshūguǎn and changing the site layout and language accordingly.

It is unknown at this time if any action is being taken to resolve the situation, but there are rumors that a joint operation between Counter-Terrorist group MITHRIL and the JGSDF Special Counter-Terrorism Task Force may be in the planning stages.

The site serves countless users daily and is the primary source for fan translations or so-called ‘fansubs’ of Japanese entertainment.

So there you have it, kids. We’re in a world of shit.

We're all still here.

11/05/08 @ 02:51:50 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The World, 309 words, 1086 views  

America’s voters, I would like to thank approximately 52% of you for making the right choice tonight, and ensuring that we— as a nation —did not fuck up. As for the rest of you, I thank you for helping prove that democracy works, and ask that you graciously accept the outcome and not do anything stupid and/or drastic. (Considering the kinds of people that McCain seemed to attract, I really have to worry about this stuff… Seriously, way to boo Obama during McCain’s concession speech, assholes. I didn’t hear Obama’s crowd boo-ing at the mere mention of YOUR candidate!)

I registered to vote this past weekend for the sole purpose of putting my support behind Barack Obama. I have been somewhat politically-aware for quite some time, though not active. This is the first time I have ever been able to get excited about a candidate. I have hope for the future, and for the first time in a while now, I am wholeheartedly proud of my country.

This does not mean, however, that I am halting preperation of Mad Max style weaponry for the coming fall of humanity, just in case Bush feels he hasn’t done enough to this country already. Once Obama is sworn in this January, I’ll be able to stop working on the wrist-mounted crossbow that fires steak knives, and other such devices.

All joking and my usual misanthropy and cynicism aside, this was an historic occasion.

I had been sitting at my computer, with election maps on one monitor, IRC on another, and playing EVE-Online with some people. The analysts aren’t kidding about the whole wired election thing. The internet, and specifically Web 2.0, changed the way this all works. And I’m glad to have been here to experience it, and have little doubt the evening will be etched into my memory.

Anonymous did it!

05/06/08 @ 09:45:25 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The World, Baka-chan vs. YOU, 337 words, 1083 views  

So, for those of you who don’t know, some kid from Albuquerque– Nick Garza –who went to the same high school as some people affiliated with GPMoD, and through some weird coincidence ended up going to Middlebury College, disappeared in the middle of the night on February 5th, and has not been heard from since.

So, I look out the window and there’s something going on in the parking lot of the block across the river… My father said it was Fox 44 when he got back from the store, and I quickly found this

Fox, what the fuck? And seriously. I think his mom really needs to just go home and re-evaluate things. This is some pretty desperate straw-grasping shit. Kids tag shit all the time around here. There’s permanent marker and silver paint marker tags all over the place. Am I surprised you found a smiley face? No. I bet I can find ten more. (And I don’t bother with that whole ‘outside’ thing that much.)

It’s a terrible thing that happened to your son, it is. But is it going to make you feel better thinking he was slashed by some psycho, instead of the more realistic probability that he wandered out into the cold and had some terrible accident befall him? I mean, we had a horrible ice storm happen within a 72 hour period there… This shit happens. All he’d have to do is slip and hit his head, and it’s Game Over.

If you want to tilt at windmills, by all means, that’s your right. Want a nice big one to go after?

The ’smiley face killers’ are actually a more violent sub-section of the ruthless terrorist organization known as Anonymous. The murders are all over the place because members of Anonymous are all over the place. A smiley face certainly fits the profile of internet culture. Many members of Anonymous could even be other students at victims’ schools!

Feed THAT to Fox news, they’ll cream their shorts. They LIVE for that shit.

what in the fuck now?

05/02/08 @ 12:24:39 am, Categories: Life of Baka, Baka-chan vs. The World, 120 words, 1071 views  

…there is a guy in the hallway taking pictures of two girls kissing on the stairs outside my apartment… I am both intrigued and disturbed by this bizarre new development.

I guess they think with the empty parking lot that no one is here. Guess again. But seriously. It’s midnight and there’s some kind of girl-on-girl photoshoot taking place outside my apartment.

The following are things it has occurred to me to do:

  1. Offer my services as a (real) photographer.

  2. Just see what the fuck is going on.

  3. Run out into the hallway half naked with my rifle.


At any rate, I’m far too lazy to go take a look.

Dear America Online...

03/22/06 @ 11:56:21 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The World, 25 words, 1014 views  


I am sick and fucking tired of getting dumped from AIM during important conversations, and I'll see you all in hell.

I'm a bastard.

08/30/05 @ 01:39:18 pm, Categories: Baka-chan Brings The Funny, Baka-chan vs. The World, 11 words, 1045 views  

Song of the moment:

The Tragically Hip - New Orleans is Sinking


nani sore?
A peek inside the mad, mad, mind of Baka-chan. Animator, artist, hater of stupid people, and evil genius. Look upon the undoing of all order in the universe, and tremble.
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