The original Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom.
>>  The day-to-day chronicles of Baka-chan, evil genius and overlord of the Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom.
I wasn't going to say anything....

06/17/08 @ 01:10:04 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, 363 words, 1134 views  

Okay, a little history lesson…

In 1996 a Japanese game company called Tecmo was in dire financial trouble, but they had one thing going for them… Tomonobu Itagaki. Who had gone to work for them in 1992 because– while he could have gone to work for either SEGA or Tecmo –he figured it didn’t matter which, and settled on Tecmo because their offices were closer to where he lived.

He approached then-president Nakamura and told him he could make a game that would SELL. The game was Dead or Alive and it was released in November 1996, and the company went from $5.2mil in losses in 1995, to $9.2mil in profits in 1996. Thanks in large part to Dead or Alive, and Tomonobu Itagaki’s ‘Team Ninja’.

Twelve years later, Tecmo is supported almost entirely by Team Ninja’s franchises: DOA, DOA Volleyball, and Ninja Gaiden.

I tell you all this, so you can sufficiently appreciate what comes next…

Back in May, Itagaki approached current Tecmo president Yoshimi Yasuda regarding the fact that he hadn’t yet been paid his promised ‘completion bonus’ for DOA4…

Let me tell you something about Tomonobu Itagaki… You don’t fuck with this guy. He is just one of those people who practically exude badass. Combine that with the fact that his games basically support the company, and Yasuda’s response is all the more puzzling and bizarre:

‘if you are dissatisfied with the decision not to pay the bonuses, either quit the company or sue it.’


Why would you do that? That defies all reason, nevermind the fact that Itagaki’s personality made what came next thoroughly predictable; he resigned (effective July 1st) and sued the company for 148 million yen.

Now, I wasn’t going to discuss any of that on here, because it was so fucking obvious and ridiculous that it didn’t bear repeating. But it seems that Tecmo isn’t yet finished committing harakiri…

Because now, two more Tecmo employees are suing Tecmo for unpaid wages, in addition to accusing them of violating labor laws and cooking the books.

Wow. Way to go Tecmo. Not content with having achieved terminal velocity, they hit the afterburner. This is going to make the coolest crater. Seriously.

Dear Jack Thompson...

03/29/08 @ 07:47:20 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Baka-chan on Games, 562 words, 1049 views  

Now that I have your attention…

I don’t like you personally. I find your conduct to be deplorable. You are impulsive, ill-mannered, and occasionally quite juvenile. All this aside, I can’t help but want to ask some straight forward questions, out of curiosity. Because I don’t think you put your best foot forward a lot of the time. A lot of the things you say or do border on absurdity, and I can’t imagine you have gotten so far in life being only that way…so what changed?

Believe it or not, there ARE some things we agree on. Rap music is vile crap, and I don’t like the kinds of messages that most of it contains. I also don’t believe that minors should be allowed to play mature video games. I don’t think many of them should be allowed to access a lot of the internet, either…but that’s a fight for another time.

I think the major difference in our views is that you think that the game companies are responsible. And I think the responsibility is more personal. Not literally ‘personal responsibility’ because I don’t think it’s fair for kids to be bombarded with ads for the latest mature videogame, hear about how it’s so great from everyone, and then be expected to force themselves not to buy it.

Videogames have a ratings system. It’s SUPPOSED to prevent mature games from being sold to minors, and last time I checked, it’s the policy of most games retailers to try and enforce that. So, where does that leave us? The kids either buy the game online, or have their parents buy it for them at retail. (Since they need their parents’ credit card to buy online, it’s the same thing anyway…)

So, if a parent goes in to Gamestop and buys Grand Theft Auto IV for 12 year old little Jimmy, who’s at fault? Unless I am mistaken, you say it’s Take-Two Interactive and Rockstar Games’ fault. Why is that? Now, if little Jimmy went in and managed to buy it himself, who’s fault would it be? It should be Gamestop’s, shouldn’t it? They’re not supposed to sell him a Mature-rated game. It’s not the game companies’ fault, because their game isn’t illegal in any way, and it is rated in a way that if everyone else is doing their jobs, little Jimmy shouldn’t be able to have it.

Let’s take games out of the equation altogether.

‘Little’ Jimmy is 19 now. He can buy all the mature games he wants, but right now, he wants some beer. If a clerk isn’t doing their job properly, and sells him the beer despite being underage, the clerk and/or the store is in trouble. Likewise, if he got someone of legal age to buy it for him, that person would be in trouble. Not the beer company.

See how similar the situations are? It doesn’t make any sense to treat games differently. Instead of trying to punish videogame companies for exercising their first amendment rights*, wouldn’t it make more sense pushing for parents and retailers to adhere to the rating system already in place to keep little Jimmy from buying the game?

* I do not make any sort of moral judgment here about these games… Quite honestly, I don’t like them either… But for completely different reasons. They’re just not fun for me.

Congrats, you made the front page!

03/12/08 @ 07:30:00 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, 615 words, 1073 views  

So, I’ve made about a half dozen posts on this thread on Kotaku about Fumiaki Tanaka’s (President of Konami, for the uninitiated) sales goal for Metal Gear Solid 4…

…all of them informed and thoughtful…

…except the one where I poked fun at someone for making a typo.

And then, I see this:

by Vecha at 12:04 PM
Wow…another fanboy blog. Congrats!

I imagine he clicked on my avatar or whatever the hell and followed the link in my profile… Whatever the details, I could care less…but this ignorant transgression cannot stand. (Also, I was bored waiting for dinner to be done.)

To paraphrase Tycho, “I have marshaled my words, and in doing so destroyed a man.” (I like my version better. It’s also considerably shorter than what I would rather paraphrase from P-A.)

My response: (In case Kotaku removes it, though I don’t believe they do that sort of thing.)

by Bakachan at 05:22 PM

@Vecha: 419 posts, and the latest three are… Two ramblings about how I want to– and am –buying a PS3, and the third is about my hating the English MGS dubs, and so now it’s a fanboy blog?

Do the world a favor and remove yourself from it.

A fanboy is someone whose advocacy of and loyalty to something ignores common sense or basic facts. Just because I would rather BUY a PS3 than be GIVEN an Xbox 360 does not mean I am a fanboy. The PS3 has its problems, but the Xbox 360 has nothing I want. Neither did its predecessor, until Steel Battalion came out. It’s still the only Xbox game I own that didn’t come with my refurbished console. (Splinter Cell)

A fanboy wouldn’t bother pointing out that if you search The Consumerist for posts about the Xbox 360, you get endless horror stories about failed hardware. Not to mention crummy, insane, or just downright malicious tech support and customer service.

Playstation 3 and Sony? There’s the guy who couldn’t get his PS3 fixed because it was ‘too dusty’. And the rest is just retailer shenanigans.

A fanboy would not point out things like this, because a fanboy’s opinion has no basis in reality, much like the religious zealotry that console fanboyism so often resembles. They make judgments based on blind hatred of whatever they oppose, and even blinder loyalty to their faction.

If you bothered reading my blog beyond the first three posts, you’d see that not too long ago, I did seriously consider buying an Xbox 360, pretty much just for Rez and Ikaruga. But I decided it would take more than that. Oh yeah, there’s also the fact that I BARELY TALK ABOUT GAMES, COMPARED TO OTHER SUBJECTS.

But hey, why let little things like truth or simple fact get in the way of name-calling?

At least mine is based on evident facts: You are ignorant. Go away.

So, there you have it. I have unleashed the amount of erudite curbstomping I felt content with and– Oh! I think that’s the oven timer. DINNER.

Because I just can’t help myself sometimes…

by Bakachan at 08:09 PM

Oh, I forgot one more point… Fanboys like to call people stupid for liking any other system.

I have nothing against Xbox 360 owners. Many of my friends own Xbox 360s.

What I _do_ hate with a burning passion, is fanboys. Of ANYTHING. If you come to a rational informed decision based on your own judgments, you are my brother. Even if you bought a Phantom. (Just don’t ever touch me. Ever. I’m not kidding.)

p.s. When you comment on my blog (I went ahead and published it, even though they’re unpublished by default) it logs your hostmask and IP. Just sayin’.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel

09/17/07 @ 10:38:07 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Life of Baka, 170 words, 1082 views  

As many of you know, I’ve been totally addicted to Mountain Dew Livewire lately, both for its high caffeine content, and for its actually tolerable taste. (It’s quite delicious, in fact.)

The one problem is, I can only get it in 20oz bottles…which are $1.39 a piece, despite the fact that in some areas they sell Livewire in 2 liter bottles and 12-packs. (A much cheaper solution) So, I gave in and tried Mountain Dew Game Fuel. (I don’t even like Halo.) Got a 2 liter for less than a buck.

Be warned that un-cold, it tastes horrid. It tastes like someone tried to make Hawaiian Punch soda, and failed horribly. (I’ve never had Code Red, but I’m told that Game Fuel is basically Code Red plus citrus flavor) Cold, it’s a bit better… But it’s BEST frozen, whirred up, and poured into a cup. (With some percentage of unfrozen soda added.) Like that, it’s actually pretty good. Oh yeah, and it also has like twice the caffeine as regular Mountain Dew.

Far too many people need to die.

10/20/06 @ 04:33:51 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Baka-chan on Games, 583 words, 3046 views  

Okay, before I post my impressions of Battlefield 2142... I have words.

I looked to EA's BF2142 forum, and sure enough, there were ~500 threads, about 350 of which were complaining about the rank/Master Server problems, the rest were complaints about the 'spyware', and pretty much all of these had some clever bit about the game being a 'piece of s***' or 'EA is f*gz' or what have you.

I just want to kill every fucking last one of these people in the most horrific way possible. Is that really too much to ask?

zomg this game is such shit stoopid ppl i want my $$$$$$$ backs

First of all, the game is exactly as advertised, and should be exactly what you've come to expect. Good job. Next time, don't buy it. Also...don't you mean you want your parents' money back?

wut crap keep disconectiong!!111@

Are you learning impaired? The 'Disconnected from EA Master Server' issue, while annoying, is something that has come up ever since BF2. When the BF2 demo came out it happened. It happened when BF2 went retail. It happened each time the BF2142 beta was opened further. It happened when the BF2142 demo went live. And GUESS WHAT? It happened when BF2142 went retail. Surprised? From the looks of the forums, you are. And what does that make you? FUCKING STUPID.

I'm not saying EA isn't at fault for not making the master server a little more robust, but the problem goes away within 48 hours, EVERY TIME. Take a fucking pill, will you? (Cyanide, preferrably.)

Waaaah! My stats iz gone EAfags fixit now!!!111ONEONEONEELEVEN

The same goddamn thing happened with BF2 at launch, IT GOES AWAY. And the points you earned? You'll GET THEM. The stats and master servers seem to have trouble adjusting to increased traffic. Once they stabilize, the backlog of stat reports and stuff IS processed. IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. JUST BE PATIENT.

The bottom line...

You bought the fucking game. Don't give me 'EA this' and 'EA that'. That horse has been dead for a loooong fucking time now. STOP BEATING IT

You bought the fucking game, you are PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME. You are experiencing the same problems you did when you bought BF2, except that you didn't learn anything last time. The English language has a word for doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results: Stupidity.

Has EA ruined your life? No. (Unless you work for them, in which case..yeah, maybe.) You're going to play the game, and you're going to like it. You are going to PLAY IT EVERY FUCKING DAY, but you're still going to complain on the forums every chance you get about how the game is utter shit and EA are crooks and they stole your mom's money. You know what? I don't even fucking care anymore. But keep it THE FUCK OUT OF THE GAME.

I am sick and tired of trying to have a nice civilized game of killing people, only to see a constant stream of grammarless shit pouring down the side of my monitor like someone pissing in my left eye. Play the fucking game or don't. But if you play it, you lose the right to complain.

Personally, I love the game. I'm not sure if it can be quantified as 'better' or 'worse' than's a completely different game. I'll still play BF2 plenty, because I'm a fan of modern warfare as much as I am SciFi stuff.


03/23/06 @ 04:22:06 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Baka-chan on Games, 649 words, 1254 views  

I'm sick and tired of getting into these retarded fights about PSP vs NDS.

It's lunacy. They're in two completely different device classes. It's like comparing a rather feature-filled cellphone (NDS) to a full-fledged pocket pc (PSP).

They both have some of the same has a bit more to it, and is generally more powerful... What's more, they both do EXACTLY what they're supposed to do...but what they're supposed to do is rather dissimilar. Look. There's no friggin comparing them. Really. Get over it.


  • Portable Console
  • Plays graphically-complex home console style games.
  • Plays music, videos, views images...
  • Internet connectivity for games, web browser, RSS feeds (So far podcasts only), and Mail (upcoming firmware).
  • Great battery life considering the massive screen it's powering.
  • Good for 'Software' as well as games; Talkman, Korean English-learning software, upcoming GPS unit and software, etc.
  • Massive screen that makes it as good for videos and whatnot as it is for games.
  • Costs upwards of $300.


  • Handheld Console
  • Games range from typical fun handheld fare to innovative handheld gaming through use of the stylus.
  • Internet connectivity for games, more utilitarian uses forthcoming. (Though Pictochat is pretty cool.)
  • Great battery life.
  • Stylus interface has great software potential despite smallness of screens.
  • Multiple screens offer interesting opportunities for game developers.
  • Weighs in at a nice round $150.

While we're here, I'd like to categorically shoot down some of the stupider shit people say in these arguments.

But all the games are ports...

stfu, really. Fall down a well and die. First of all, the games aren't 'all ports' though an American gamer probably wouldn't know that, since the US library is shit.

Second, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PORTS?! If you loved a certain gamecube game, you wouldn't want to be able to take that game everywhere on the DS? Though, you probably couldn't because the DS doesn't have that kind of graphical power. (The Metroid games are pretty impressive, however.) Here's the port I'm waiting for: Disgaea. God that game is a timesink. I've got like 30 hours on it, and I'm nowhere. Because I got addicted to the item world. Can you THINK of a more perfect game for the PSP? But I digress.

Also, what the fuck do you call the 735th Super Mario, Mario Kart, Metroid, and Pokemon games? There are worse things than being a faithful portable version of a popular console title.

Now if only it had some games...

This is right up there with the last one. For starters, it's no one's fault but your own that you can't read Japanese, and thus miss out on most of the good games. But DAMN. The PSP has about the same number of titles as the NDS. STOP MAKING SHIT UP.

It does...all that other stuff too...

Ho-ly shit. I can't even comprehend this. I mean... You're saying...that it's...a BAD THING...that in ADDITION to playing games (which it does very well), it can also play videos and music, and surf the internet? I don't even have a rebuttal for this beyond asking the following question:

Do you even listen to yourself?

In conclusion...

I don't bash the DS, just people who stupidly try to compare two completely different things. I want a DS. Nintendo's games are almost a genre unto themselves, and that genre tends to be an incredibly fun play. Nintendo is also the most prone to innovative ideas. (Though I feel they took the stylus from innovation to gimmick in less than six months.) But as I said in my previous post, I doubt it'd get as much use as my PSP does. And frankly, I can justify a $300 swiss army knife, more than I can justify a $150 pogostick. Even though I could have more fun with the pogostick, the swiss army knife is more useful to me in the long run.

PSP killed the iPod Fanboys

03/20/06 @ 10:35:25 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Shiny Things, Baka-chan on Games, 361 words, 1297 views  

Why is an 'iPod killer' the holy grail of portable consumer electronics right now? I've had one since Q4 2k5. It's called the Sony PSP. Seriously. So many people whine about how it doesn't have any good games... Guess what? Learn to 'wakaru the nihongo', my friend. All the American games suck.

DS? What's that? Oh yeah. That little handheld game console. It sure is a cute little thing. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind having one of those as well; Nintendo's core franchise games can be fun... But I doubt it'd get as much use as my PSP.

When I leave the apartment, my PSP comes with me, attached to my belt in its Hori Street Style variable case. With at the very least, a copy of Lumines, since it's the most 'any time' game I have. It's also packed with my flavor-of-the-week in music, some manga, this week's raws for all the anime I'm watching, and maybe even a book or two. I also use it to download and listen to podcasts, and to read my favorite webcomics and sites and news.

Now, the iPod fans will be like "But it doesn't have any storage!" Sure, currently you can only have up to 4gb of directly-accessible space... But that's going to change soon. In the meantime, there's stuff like a battery-powered 40gb HD enclosure that can hook up to the USB port and send stuff over to your card. Besides, how much music do you really NEED to be able to access at once? I typically don't listen to more than 1-2 different playlists over the course of a week, and maybe a few random songs.

And the iPod Video? What the hell?! The iPod is about the SIZE of the PSP screen. I don't get it. Watching videos on an iPod Video just because they gave it a screen, is like porting Adobe Photoshop to the DS just because it has a touchscreen and stylus.

I've got no problems with these devices. But when fanboyism kicks in and overrides common sense and obviousness of utility...that's just plain friggin stupid.

iPod = Killed iPod Video = Pwned Yeah, watch Ergo Proxy on your iPod.
Click to enlarge the picture, more coming later.


nani sore?
A peek inside the mad, mad, mind of Baka-chan. Animator, artist, hater of stupid people, and evil genius. Look upon the undoing of all order in the universe, and tremble.
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