The original Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom.
>>  The day-to-day chronicles of Baka-chan, evil genius and overlord of the Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom.
IRC Quote of The Week

11/20/10 @ 09:12:44 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 108 words, 2621 views  

I felt a disturbance in the force and climbed out of bed to find people being stupid on the internet… As usual, I arrived at just the right time to deliver my internet vigilante justice.

[11.20/20.55.18] <+Khenjy> do you seriously think i will switch my audio decoder
[11.20/20.55.26] <+Khenjy> just because it actually makes it sound better?
[11.20/20.57.56] <%Bakamoichigei> Khenjy.
[11.20/20.58.46] <%Bakamoichigei> I have been in the channels of Shinsen, Animejunkies, a half dozen rip groups from last decade, warez channels, and the help channel on ETG.
[11.20/20.58.56] <%Bakamoichigei> And that is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen someone say on IRC.

How to not die in Left4Dead.

09/25/09 @ 05:14:49 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 1282 words, 1158 views  

Let me preface this little primer with a couple of stories. Stories involving myself, and Akkrain.

We like to play on ‘fun’ servers when we just want to screw around. These typically involve lowered gravity, massive ‘horde’ spawns, unlimited ammo with no reloading, and unlimited ‘grenades’. They also tend to be INCREDIBLY HARD on anything but Easy, just because you’re overwhelmed so easily and FF is a bitch in those situations.

This allows you to follow interesting strategies on campaign finales as well as avoid many ‘Event’ scenarios. Because of this, we tell anyone joining our game to NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, start an event unless we tell them to. Because, chances are, THAT WILL KILL THE WHOLE GROUP.

Story 1 — In which Baka avenges judiciously.

We’re at the ‘crane’ event on the rooftops on the ‘Dead Air’ campaign. Me and Akkrain are already safely across to the other rooftop when some brain donor starts the event. We both yell something along the lines of “Oh you’re fucking dead", just before the whole group is swarmed by zombies and shit from every direction.

Baka ain’t havin it. I fight my way through all this shit to get to him… Akkrain’s dying, the bot fell off the fucking roof or something, I’m torn up, and this shit is about to get killed with or without my help: He’s murdered us. That’s when I unload into his face with my Uzi until he’s dead, and drop a molotov. Just before the horde finally hits the rooftop like a tsunami. “TOTALLY WORTH IT!” I said, as my character is torn limb from limb by hundreds of zombies. Needless to say, he was incapacitated and left in the saferoom as bait when the level restarted.

Story 2 — In which Baka educates a motherfucker.

Occasionally we’re forced, by dire circumstances or just our distrust in the bots ability to not get us all killed, to kill an AI-controlled character and take their supplies. (Usually because a real person needs a medkit, or we don’t want the AI to waste it.)

Akkrain is torn the fuck up, he needs a medkit badly. I find one, and call him over. (I already have one so I can’t pick it up.) One of the AI-controlled characters comes over to me, walks away, and then…totally inexplicably and just as Akkrain was about to get to me…takes the fucking medkit and runs off. Akkrain gets there and goes “Where’s the kit?” and I say “The fucking bot just took it!” and take off after it. I corner it and blow him away. Then, as Akkrain is catching up, the OTHER PLAYER comes and takes it. I go “Why?” “Why would you do that?” “You just watched me waste the bot for doing EXACTLY THAT.” Response? “fu” That’s when I aerated his face with buckshot and Akkrain finally got the fucking kit.

Story 3 — In which a unanimous decision is reached.

This fucking guy runs for the safehouse and goes and hides in there. Me and Akkrain make our way to the building the safehouse is in, laying down a wall of fire in our wake. We decide to go back and rescue the player who had died earlier and are just waiting for the flames to subside. By the time they do, he has de-spawned, making the whole thing moot. And that would have been it, except… The remaining random player, who was playing as Louis has spent the whole time running around in the safehouse while the AI has had Louis yelling “GUYS GET IN THE SAFEHOUSE, CLOSE THE DOOR” constantly, does something really not smart: Annoys us even further. He stands in the safehouse door, behind me, and says “WHY WONT ANYONE FOLLOW LOUIS ADVICE???”

I have to admit, my first impulse was to blow his fucking head off…and I’m the MODERATE ONE. I turn to see where Akkrain is… He’s standing right next to me, looking at me. And as if I needed any confirmation that we were thinking the same exact thing, we both turn and start emptying our autoshotties into Louis’ face, and kept shooting, without pause or hesitation, until he was quite dead. And I go “Just for saying something SO FUCKING STUPID.” and the guy ragequits the game. Me and Akkrain have a big laugh about it, and then get in the safehouse and close the door.

Story 4 — In which Baka takes you with him.

So, we were having a pretty hard time with the town on the Death Toll campaign. It was always one thing or another. Like accidentally aggroing a Witch in the middle of a horde rush, only to turn a corner and spawn a fucking Tank… Anyway, there was a player who we weren’t having any trouble with, and then…well…

We had just climbed out of the church’s second story window at the start of the level, and were mopping up the streets. After it quiets down, I look back, and he’s still standing up in the window… I stare at him for a few seconds, and that’s when he opens up on me with his M16. As I realize he’s trying to kill me, and he’s about to incapacitate me, I throw a molotov, getting it off just as I get incapped. Being that I’m fucking god-like with the things, it’s no wonder that it crashed against the back wall of the safehouse just as he retreated inside…drowning him in a lake of fire, incapacitating and killing him. He then ragequit.


How to NOT DIE in Left4Dead:

If you do something stupid — we will kill you.
If you say something stupid — we will kill you.
If you can’t spell — we will kill you.
If you pose a threat to us — we will kill you.
If you waste supplies — we will kill you.
If we decide you just aren’t very smart — we will kill you.
If we think your name is dumb — we will kill you.
If you use VOIP and your voice is annoying — we will kill you.
If you don’t listen to what we tell you to do — we will kill you.
If you fuck with us — we will kill you.
If you get us killed — we will kill you.
If we generally feel like it — we will kill you.

In fact, you are going to have to work very hard to stay alive, and I’m not talking about the zombies.

Do you understand? Because if you don’t — we will kill you.

We are better than you.
We know what we are doing.
We will remember.

There was some guy last week, really fucking stupid. But since he was only posing a danger to himself I let it slide, I didn’t have to save him after all, right? What tipped it was Akkrain commenting that his name was dumb, which it was. So we killed him and he cursed up down left and right. Said all this shit about how we’d better fucking rescue him, blah blah blah. So we did…so we could kill him again. He ragequit. A week later, he shows up again. We’re in the safehouse at the beginning of the level, and I turn and waste him, saying “I remember you, fucker.” and he quit.

You won’t get away with it. So how about not playing like a mental defective, and not doing something so stupid as to fuck with us? We’ll all get along much better that way. On second thought, just don’t play Left4Dead. There’s no ‘moron’ in ‘Teamwork’, moron.

Imagine if you will...

06/26/09 @ 04:05:58 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The World, 448 words, 1196 views  

Okay, let me paint a picture for you.

Religious groups in Iran start a stink about American pornography, calling it obscene. They start putting pressure on the US government to do something about it, and— giving in to demands —the government begins the process of banning pornography outright. Adult video and book store owners are arrested under existing ‘obscenity’ laws, pending passage of the legislation that will actually make their wares illegal.

If I laid out this scenario for you, you’d say I was fucking crazy wouldn’t you? Guess what? It’s happening.

Prompted by the outcry of feminist groups and soccer mom nanny patrols in the US, Canada, and Europe, what started out as an at least semi-reasonable attempt at industry regulation is quickly starting to look like it will become a blanket ban of all illustrated erotic material in Japan.

It started with outcry over a game that people are calling a ‘rape simulator’— and let’s be honest, the game in question was exactly that —which led to a reasonable attempt to cut down on the amount of rape scenarios in eroge. In all honesty, it was a measure that I had no problem getting behind, because I am a reasonable person and yeah, rape is bad okay?

Lolicon stuff? Sure, fine. The more extreme end of that spectrum disturbs me. After that, things started getting out of hand. Kemono-mimi? (Cat ears, bunny ears, etc) Really? Well let’s just ban maid outfits and schoolgirls while we’re at it. Wait I didn’t mea— FUCK!

So yeah, the ’slippery slope’ just got re-graded, and they sprayed it with fucking teflon while they were at it, because if it becomes illegal in Japan, you can bet your ass it will be illegal here, TWICE. If things keep up, wanting to whack off to ero drawings will be a crime itself.

They’re CARTOONS. What’s the big deal? If an illustration can be obscene, you are validating it as a form of pornography. Meanwhile, there’s plenty of non-illustrated women getting raped, and non-illustrated children being exploited and abused. Not to mention the still perfectly legal non-illustrated pornography in Japan, some of which is more bizarre and disturbing than ANYTHING I have EVER seen in any eroge or manga. So get some fucking priorities or get some fucking consistency or just simply GET FUCKED. Because honestly, it’s not even MEANT for your consumption, so you don’t HAVE to fucking approve of it.

There must be no mistaking what this really is: Ignorant, xenophobic, westerners who scour the internet for things to get offended about so they can spend their free time trying to HATE IT OUT OF EXISTENCE.


06/17/09 @ 04:40:18 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 392 words, 1175 views  

Well, I’m behind a good couple weeks on this followup to my previous posts. When Comcast came by on the 28th, I did in fact get high-speed internet and digital phone service. FAILPOINT however, managed to land one last kick in the balls as a parting shot.

My digital phone service was assigned a new temporary number until I could get my old number ported over. That was supposed to take place over the course of a week after making the request… The problem? It was incumbent upon FAILPOINT to relinquish control of the number. In fact, what it finally came down to was Comcast withdrawing our new number (In good faith) and FAILPOINT not following through on their half. So indeed, for an entire three day weekend, calls to my new number would be told the number is disconnected, and calls to my old number would ring and ring because there wasn’t a phone on the other end.

Yes, you read that correctly: For three days, there was NO WAY to reach my phone from the outside. I could call out, but my phone did not have a phone number. At any rate, FAILPOINT got off their asses and got it done without being leaned on TOO much.


With that finally over, I would like to take an opportunity to gush a fair amount about Comcast. First of all, the internet is ridiculously fast. I get a constant 800kB/s down, with boosts up to 15mb/s for the first hundred megs or so of a transfer. (Meaning small files finish almost instantly) And even when I have 800kB/s of usenet transfers going, I can browse with no slowdown whatsoever, because loading webpages takes advantage of the speed boost. I also have an upload in excess of a megabit, which is nice. These are typical speeds, though I have noticed a FEW ‘anomalies‘.

The phone service is nice too, now that it has a phone number. The digital is nice and clear, good sound. Free local and nationwide long distance, every conceivable service; caller ID, call waiting, caller ID for call waiting, web-accessible voice mail, three kinds of call forwarding, conference calls, all manner of craziness. Together with the internet, the whole package is $10 less than I was paying for nearly featureless phone service and slow DSL from FAILPOINT.


05/20/09 @ 06:50:03 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Life of Baka, 418 words, 1199 views  

(Continued from previous entry ‘FAILPOINT’)
Wow. We’ve moved I think through several stages of dementia with this thing now…

Having decided we were going to go with cable, we called Failpoint and ended up going through all manner of stupid crap with them. Basically, it came down to the fact that the work order had been closed, and they were going to open another one…so we told them that this whole thing has caused us to have to keep the apartment for another month and not to bother opening the new work order, and that we’d get back to them if anything changed. (The part about having to keep the apartment was a lie, but at this point, we were annoyed to hell with their incompetence.)

So, this afternoon, I go over to the apartment, and there’s a curious package on my doormat from FedEx. It seems to have been sent by Failpoint and it contains…my splitter and DSL phone filters. Basically, the entire self-install kit minus the modem I already had. What. The. FUCK.

Then something occurred to me… Upon opening the phone box out in the hall, I found that our line was now hooked up. (A tester revealed it to not be energized, but it was hooked up!) There was also some new thing in there, covering where the service comes in.

Now we’re fucking confused. No, wait… I think FAILPOINT is confused. So my father calls Failpoint to see if— given these new developments —they could give us a better estimate than before. This is the only time I wasn’t present to at least hear his side of the conversation. (I was too busy next door playing KoF on my Neo-Geo hardware.)

When I asked him how that went, he said that first they said that he had given them the wrong address. (No. We gave them the right address, but it doesn’t EXIST as far as they’re concerned.) Then they said that the notes said my father called them, upset, and canceled the work order. (You can bet your ass he was mad as hell, but he did NOT cancel the work order, THEY did. He told them to hold off on making a new one.) They finally told him if we wanted it done, they could give us phone on the 29th. Seeing as how that’s a day AFTER Comcast says we’ll get cable, that was the end of the conversation, and probably any further dealings with Failpoint.


05/19/09 @ 08:56:55 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Life of Baka, 870 words, 1150 views  

So, let’s go over all the stupid shit that has thus far been involved in getting phone and internet on in the new apartment…

On the 1st of May, we called Failpoint and told them we were moving and we need to have internet and phone on in both places until we’re finished moving in. We were told it wouldn’t be a problem and that it was being turned over to another team who would call us when there was a date. When we still hadn’t heard anything by Monday afternoon I decided we needed to call them again… That’s when we were told that they were unable to open a work order because they couldn’t find an ‘Apartment 1′ at that address. (But they have Apartment 2) After some back and forth we convince them that we are not wrong about the apartment number, meaning they would have to add the address to their system before a work order could be opened. It came down to a guarantee that we would have a dialtone on the line no later than (But not much sooner than) the 14th, and that we would get a call. Okay, first of all, what the hell? WHERE IS OUR TECHNOLOGY?

So, the 14th comes…and nothing. Not a damn thing. Amusingly enough, Failpoint HAD been on-site, to do an install for the movie theater we share a wall with. Way to go. My father half-jokingly prodded the guy about the pending work and he said he couldn’t do anything about it without a work order. (Of course not.) Anyway, we call them to find out why we still have nothing and who didn’t do what. Apparently the problem was that the work order still didn’t note that an Apartment 1 had to be added to that address in the system. Yes. That’s right. After two weeks, Failpoint still couldn’t verify the existence of our new abode. We were basically given a 50/50 chance that the request could be processed, but that more than likely nothing would happen until Monday. When the system had apparently accepted the request, we decided to take what we could get.

Sunday, we spent the evening engaging in MAXIMUM RISKY phoneline installation. See, for the last ten years or so, our apartment was used as a part-time home/office for the owner of the building and the Ben Franklin store downstairs. So, he had the phonelines and a run of ethernet brought up from the store. Before that…god only knows. The only other existing phone wiring for that apartment looks like the original installation from the 40s. The wire crumbled at the merest touch… So, we drilled a hole out into the hallway to run new phone wiring to the box. (Because seriously, how much you want to bet if Failpoint actually DID show up, they’d find no wiring whatsoever into the apartment and LEAVE?) We were intending to bring the phoneline down in the bedroom closet, so we could put the modem and network switch in there, which would put it on the other side of the wall from our computers. This was made easy-mode by the dropped ceilings, since we could just staple the wire anywhere on the wall above the ceiling tiles.

Anyway, we ended up leaving the job half finished because it was getting too dark and we were starving for some foodins.

Monday afternoon, with Failpoint failing to accomplish anything as far as we knew, we called again. Nothing had been done. At all. What’s more is the person we got this time seemed to have trouble reading notes, as it took a while to get us all on the same page… It was suggested that this work order be closed, and they could open a new one that contains the correct information, because it would apparently be easier than having them fix the current one. Long story short, we were getting nothing done until Friday the 22nd. (And even then it was likely to be them simply telling us when something might happen…again.) Fuck you, Failpoint. You had your chance. You are basically suggesting that it will have taken you more than a month to do a simple line activation. That’s not time we have, so you’re done.

So what do we do now? We call SoVerNet, the local alternate phone/DSL provider. They at least had the common decency to TELL us that it would take them 20-26 days. We thanked them and returned to weighing our options. Cable? Hmm. So, we call Comcast. Tell them we’re moving to XX Main Street in Middlebury and want cable service. “Apartment 1 or Apartment 2?” Fucking sold.

So, faster internet, digital phone with unlimited long distance and local calling, and it’ll be easy to add TV if we want it at some point. Fuck it. Let’s go. They say a technician will be out between Noon and 4PM on the 28th to check the line and give us the self-install kit. The only real downside is that now the new phoneline we installed won’t get used.

Well, Verizon sure got a good deal on all their copper when they sold out Vermont to Failpoint, too bad WE all got fucked.


05/15/09 @ 01:00:30 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Life of Baka, 227 words, 1357 views  

Why me? WHY? Oh god I am so glad I have ops in #tokyotosho.

[05.15/12.24.11] * Joins: AngelOfDeath (AOD@I.NEED.NEW.ANIME)
[05.15/12.26.46] <AngelOfDeath> can yall add a section on to the website that only searches for the poasted subfiles like the .ass and .srt


[05.15/12.27.01] <Baka-chan> Hey, I have an idea.
[05.15/12.27.10] <Baka-chan> You could learn how to use the fucking site.
[05.15/12.27.27] * +Jigsy seconds Baka-chan’s idea.
[05.15/12.27.37] <Baka-chan> FOR INSTANCE, if you want to find .ass files, you could SEARCH FOR THEM.

I didn’t imagine this would dissuade him, it’s shaping up to be that kind of morning.

[05.15/12.27.49] -NickServ- Password accepted - you are now recognized.
[05.15/12.28.10] * Kittie sets mode: +o Baka-chan
[05.15/12.29.04] <@Baka-chan> If you ever utter one more fucking word before I forget how stupid you are, I am going to MURDER YOU FROM THE INTERNET.

Well, he was warned.

[05.15/12.32.01] <AngelOfDeath> you should learn how to accept ideas from others without critisizing them
[05.15/12.32.17] <@Baka-chan> Listen, slapnuts.
[05.15/12.32.22] <@Baka-chan> IT’S A FUCKING SEARCH ENGINE
[05.15/12.33.07] * Baka-chan sets mode: +b *!*@I.NEED.NEW.ANIME
[05.15/12.33.09] * AngelOfDeath was kicked by Baka-chan (I ever see you again I’ll murder you for real.)

Why do stupid people insist on making me act like this? I’m going back to bed. =__=


05/09/09 @ 10:15:34 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 387 words, 1156 views  

So, I woke up to Rizon staff seeking me for some reason…

[05.09/09.28.56] <annie> Baka-chan you there?

This could have been in regards to any number of things, but luckily the problem wasn’t mine… Reading up a little revealed what was going on…

[05.09/09.27.31] * Joins: Shin_Getter (
[05.09/09.27.36] * Shin_Getter is now known as abc
[05.09/09.28.16] * Joins: annie (a@Staff.Rizon.Net)
[05.09/09.28.48] * Quits: abc ( (Killed (annie (Don’t ban evade)))

Surely this is going somewhere hi-larious.


Well -I- thought it was funny!

12/06/08 @ 01:54:59 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 180 words, 1054 views  

This will likely turn out to be another case of me being far too erudite and clever for my own good… My reaction to the article on Kotaku about GTA being blamed for kids hanging a kitten was a priceless bit of satire that I hope won’t be lost on the moderators.

It’s about time they started doing something about this!

First the ‘Hot Coffee’ thing, and now the kitten-hanging minigame in GTA4?!
Those people at Rockstar have eroded the morals of our youth long enough!
Wait, what do you mean there isn’t a kitten-hanging minigame in GTA4??

There HAS to be! How else could they have gotten the idea from the ga–



What do you mean the game isn’t meant for children?! 17 and up? That’s ridiculous!
Why would the parents buy them the ga–

AA0088387DDFF00000FFF345897DF0000will i dream?


08/27/08 @ 04:22:00 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Life of Baka, 795 words, 1092 views  

So, yesterday afternoon I was bored and unmotivated, it was still two days before my package of books was going to arrive, and I really just wished that Thursday would hurry its ass up and get here, or I could find something to keep me busy for two days.

That would be when my computer decided to take a massive shit. It had help though. (More about that later) So here it is, Wednesday afternoon, and I just now have a working computer again. (Not to say I was computer-less, we would all be dead.)

The ironic part?


So, here’s what happened… Ever since I built this machine, there’s been a problem where some of the partitions (Usually just one.) will come up write-protected after a reboot. And I have to keep rebooting until all of them are writable. Now, this is fucking ridiculous to begin with, because windows provides NO WAY to write-protect partitions, let alone UNDO such a thing… Apparently you SORT of can… It brings us to the next act in this fucking Greek tragedy…

DISKPART. It’s a windows commandline tool for editing disk partitions (Duh.) The stupid thing is, it has this really annoying interface where instead of telling it to ‘do x to y’ you have to go through and select the ‘y’ and then tell it to ‘do x’ to the currently selected disk/partition/volume… There’s a command for editing volume attributes, one of which is the READONLY flag… So I tried it… Nothing. My F: drive still didn’t become writable. So I looked at the commands again…

I saw a command with the description ’sets the active partition’… That’s what it called it, the ‘active partition’. Is that anything like the ’selected partition’? No. No it isn’t. What this FUCKING TRAP of piss-poor documentation and software design actually does, is set the BOOT PARTITION.

So, after unknowingly setting the boot partition to F:, and giving up on fixing the problem, I reboot the computer… Which greets me with a friendly ‘Insert Bootable Media and Press Any Key to Continue…’


Okay okay, don’t freak… I should be able to put in my windows CD and use the recovery console to fix this. BZZT! WRONG! The standard XP Pro x64 CD, despite being three years newer than XP x86 (And basically a different product, since it’s based more on Windows2k3) doesn’t have SATA drivers… So I have to nLite a new windows CD… Fine, whatever.

After plenty of trial and error, I get to the recovery console. OH LOOK! It has DISKPART! …uhm, this is a completely different tool.

What. The. FUCK.

Yes, that’s right. The Recovery Console DISKPART tool and the windows commandline DISKPART tool are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. The Recovery Console version only allows for the creation and deletion of partitions. This is IN NO WAY HELPFUL. In fact, after a bit of digging, it becomes readily apparent that…wait for it…


What the shit is that? Who the fuck came up with this shit? ARRGH! So anyway, I boot an Ubuntu linux livecd I have lying around, go in, and look… And my RAID mirror shows up as two sets of identical partitions… I don’t even want to fucking TOUCH them… FDISK is being a bastard and refuses to access any of the drives anyway…

After a couple more hours of trial and error, I try Ubuntu again, and this time I use CFDISK, which is a text-based GUI version of FDISK. It let me remove the boot flag from F: and put one on C: VICTORY! …not. Windows BSODs. Windows BSODs. Windows doesn’t NOT BSOD, regardless of how I boot it… That’s where I left it last night.

Today, I downloaded the latest Ubuntu, made a for-real full nLite’d install CD for windows, since I had decided there was no helping a full reinstall. Booted Ubuntu, copied the contents of C: to my storage drive, tried to install windows… No go.

It said there isn’t enough room to install to C: and if I continue, Setup will format the partition. Okay. Do it. There is not enough room to install to C:, press ENTER to return to the partition selection screen. Wait, what? What the fuck? FORMAT IT! ARRGGHH!! Futz around with it for an hour, finally just reboot to the recovery console, format C:, then installed… And that takes me to about an hour or two ago.

I have moved through several states of dementia with this fucking thing, but I have windows reinstalled, and didn’t lose any data. Oh, but F: is write-protected again… MOTHERFUCKER.

We’ll see where it goes from here.


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nani sore?
A peek inside the mad, mad, mind of Baka-chan. Animator, artist, hater of stupid people, and evil genius. Look upon the undoing of all order in the universe, and tremble.
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