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>>  The day-to-day chronicles of Baka-chan, evil genius and overlord of the Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom.
Breaking news!
 
  

04/01/09 @ 12:35:17 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Anime Community, Baka-chan vs. The World, 129 words, 1116 views  

(CNN, AP, Reuters, et al.)
Wednesday April 1st, 2009

Communist forces have used the confusion created by April Fool’s day and the possibility of an attack from the Conficker worm to take over popular Japanese media bittorrent site Tokyo Toshokan, renaming it Běijīng Túshūguǎn and changing the site layout and language accordingly.

It is unknown at this time if any action is being taken to resolve the situation, but there are rumors that a joint operation between Counter-Terrorist group MITHRIL and the JGSDF Special Counter-Terrorism Task Force may be in the planning stages.

The site serves countless users daily and is the primary source for fan translations or so-called ‘fansubs’ of Japanese entertainment.

So there you have it, kids. We’re in a world of shit.

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Well -I- thought it was funny!
 
  

12/06/08 @ 01:54:59 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 180 words, 1029 views  

This will likely turn out to be another case of me being far too erudite and clever for my own good… My reaction to the article on Kotaku about GTA being blamed for kids hanging a kitten was a priceless bit of satire that I hope won’t be lost on the moderators.

It’s about time they started doing something about this!

First the ‘Hot Coffee’ thing, and now the kitten-hanging minigame in GTA4?!
Those people at Rockstar have eroded the morals of our youth long enough!
Wait, what do you mean there isn’t a kitten-hanging minigame in GTA4??

There HAS to be! How else could they have gotten the idea from the ga–
&@#%#^@#%!$^DFHJKJjlkasdj#$&JMNnfldfhkjh342083y0000000000000

ERROR 0x00AAC4 FFFFFFF00FF483217CC
THIS MODULE HAS SUFFERED AN UNRECOVERABLE LOGIC ERROR
–SHUTTING DOWN–

1…2…3…4…5…6…
> RESUMING

What do you mean the game isn’t meant for children?! 17 and up? That’s ridiculous!
Why would the parents buy them the ga–
*&#$#&!@OIWQDJJLASJDASOMGOMGITBURNS%$@#FFFFFFFFF000000000

ERROR 0xFFFFFF
MAIN PROC FAILURE - SERVICE REQUIRED - SERVI89234342340F
78234CCADFFFF00400000000000000000FFFFFF00000C0000000
AA0088387DDFF00000FFF345897DF0000will i dream?

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We're all still here.
 
  

11/05/08 @ 02:51:50 am, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The World, 309 words, 1064 views  

America’s voters, I would like to thank approximately 52% of you for making the right choice tonight, and ensuring that we— as a nation —did not fuck up. As for the rest of you, I thank you for helping prove that democracy works, and ask that you graciously accept the outcome and not do anything stupid and/or drastic. (Considering the kinds of people that McCain seemed to attract, I really have to worry about this stuff… Seriously, way to boo Obama during McCain’s concession speech, assholes. I didn’t hear Obama’s crowd boo-ing at the mere mention of YOUR candidate!)

I registered to vote this past weekend for the sole purpose of putting my support behind Barack Obama. I have been somewhat politically-aware for quite some time, though not active. This is the first time I have ever been able to get excited about a candidate. I have hope for the future, and for the first time in a while now, I am wholeheartedly proud of my country.

This does not mean, however, that I am halting preperation of Mad Max style weaponry for the coming fall of humanity, just in case Bush feels he hasn’t done enough to this country already. Once Obama is sworn in this January, I’ll be able to stop working on the wrist-mounted crossbow that fires steak knives, and other such devices.

All joking and my usual misanthropy and cynicism aside, this was an historic occasion.

I had been sitting at my computer, with CNN.com election maps on one monitor, IRC on another, and playing EVE-Online with some people. The analysts aren’t kidding about the whole wired election thing. The internet, and specifically Web 2.0, changed the way this all works. And I’m glad to have been here to experience it, and have little doubt the evening will be etched into my memory.

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OHMYFUCKINGGODWHYDOYOUHATEME?!
 
  

08/27/08 @ 04:22:00 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Life of Baka, 795 words, 1049 views  

So, yesterday afternoon I was bored and unmotivated, it was still two days before my package of books was going to arrive, and I really just wished that Thursday would hurry its ass up and get here, or I could find something to keep me busy for two days.

That would be when my computer decided to take a massive shit. It had help though. (More about that later) So here it is, Wednesday afternoon, and I just now have a working computer again. (Not to say I was computer-less, we would all be dead.)

The ironic part?

MY PACKAGE ARRIVED A DAY EARLY!

So, here’s what happened… Ever since I built this machine, there’s been a problem where some of the partitions (Usually just one.) will come up write-protected after a reboot. And I have to keep rebooting until all of them are writable. Now, this is fucking ridiculous to begin with, because windows provides NO WAY to write-protect partitions, let alone UNDO such a thing… Apparently you SORT of can… It brings us to the next act in this fucking Greek tragedy…

DISKPART. It’s a windows commandline tool for editing disk partitions (Duh.) The stupid thing is, it has this really annoying interface where instead of telling it to ‘do x to y’ you have to go through and select the ‘y’ and then tell it to ‘do x’ to the currently selected disk/partition/volume… There’s a command for editing volume attributes, one of which is the READONLY flag… So I tried it… Nothing. My F: drive still didn’t become writable. So I looked at the commands again…

I saw a command with the description ’sets the active partition’… That’s what it called it, the ‘active partition’. Is that anything like the ’selected partition’? No. No it isn’t. What this FUCKING TRAP of piss-poor documentation and software design actually does, is set the BOOT PARTITION.

So, after unknowingly setting the boot partition to F:, and giving up on fixing the problem, I reboot the computer… Which greets me with a friendly ‘Insert Bootable Media and Press Any Key to Continue…’

GODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGSONOFABITCHSHITBAGFUCKNUTASSHOLECOCKSUCKERWHOREMASTER!!!

Okay okay, don’t freak… I should be able to put in my windows CD and use the recovery console to fix this. BZZT! WRONG! The standard XP Pro x64 CD, despite being three years newer than XP x86 (And basically a different product, since it’s based more on Windows2k3) doesn’t have SATA drivers… So I have to nLite a new windows CD… Fine, whatever.

After plenty of trial and error, I get to the recovery console. OH LOOK! It has DISKPART! …uhm, this is a completely different tool.

What. The. FUCK.

Yes, that’s right. The Recovery Console DISKPART tool and the windows commandline DISKPART tool are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. The Recovery Console version only allows for the creation and deletion of partitions. This is IN NO WAY HELPFUL. In fact, after a bit of digging, it becomes readily apparent that…wait for it…

THERE IS NO WAY TO CHANGE THE BOOT PARTITION FROM THE WINDOWS RECOVERY CONSOLE

What the shit is that? Who the fuck came up with this shit? ARRGH! So anyway, I boot an Ubuntu linux livecd I have lying around, go in, and look… And my RAID mirror shows up as two sets of identical partitions… I don’t even want to fucking TOUCH them… FDISK is being a bastard and refuses to access any of the drives anyway…

After a couple more hours of trial and error, I try Ubuntu again, and this time I use CFDISK, which is a text-based GUI version of FDISK. It let me remove the boot flag from F: and put one on C: VICTORY! …not. Windows BSODs. Windows BSODs. Windows doesn’t NOT BSOD, regardless of how I boot it… That’s where I left it last night.

Today, I downloaded the latest Ubuntu, made a for-real full nLite’d install CD for windows, since I had decided there was no helping a full reinstall. Booted Ubuntu, copied the contents of C: to my storage drive, tried to install windows… No go.

It said there isn’t enough room to install to C: and if I continue, Setup will format the partition. Okay. Do it. There is not enough room to install to C:, press ENTER to return to the partition selection screen. Wait, what? What the fuck? FORMAT IT! ARRGGHH!! Futz around with it for an hour, finally just reboot to the recovery console, format C:, then installed… And that takes me to about an hour or two ago.

I have moved through several states of dementia with this fucking thing, but I have windows reinstalled, and didn’t lose any data. Oh, but F: is write-protected again… MOTHERFUCKER.

We’ll see where it goes from here.

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I wasn't going to say anything....
 
  

06/17/08 @ 01:10:04 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, 363 words, 1108 views  

Okay, a little history lesson…

In 1996 a Japanese game company called Tecmo was in dire financial trouble, but they had one thing going for them… Tomonobu Itagaki. Who had gone to work for them in 1992 because– while he could have gone to work for either SEGA or Tecmo –he figured it didn’t matter which, and settled on Tecmo because their offices were closer to where he lived.

He approached then-president Nakamura and told him he could make a game that would SELL. The game was Dead or Alive and it was released in November 1996, and the company went from $5.2mil in losses in 1995, to $9.2mil in profits in 1996. Thanks in large part to Dead or Alive, and Tomonobu Itagaki’s ‘Team Ninja’.

Twelve years later, Tecmo is supported almost entirely by Team Ninja’s franchises: DOA, DOA Volleyball, and Ninja Gaiden.

I tell you all this, so you can sufficiently appreciate what comes next…

Back in May, Itagaki approached current Tecmo president Yoshimi Yasuda regarding the fact that he hadn’t yet been paid his promised ‘completion bonus’ for DOA4…

Let me tell you something about Tomonobu Itagaki… You don’t fuck with this guy. He is just one of those people who practically exude badass. Combine that with the fact that his games basically support the company, and Yasuda’s response is all the more puzzling and bizarre:

‘if you are dissatisfied with the decision not to pay the bonuses, either quit the company or sue it.’

What.
The.
Fuck.

Why would you do that? That defies all reason, nevermind the fact that Itagaki’s personality made what came next thoroughly predictable; he resigned (effective July 1st) and sued the company for 148 million yen.

Now, I wasn’t going to discuss any of that on here, because it was so fucking obvious and ridiculous that it didn’t bear repeating. But it seems that Tecmo isn’t yet finished committing harakiri…

Because now, two more Tecmo employees are suing Tecmo for unpaid wages, in addition to accusing them of violating labor laws and cooking the books.

Wow. Way to go Tecmo. Not content with having achieved terminal velocity, they hit the afterburner. This is going to make the coolest crater. Seriously.

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No such thing as stupid questions...
 
  

06/11/08 @ 09:07:38 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. Stupid People, 330 words, 827 views  

So, I was curious about the progress that was being made bringing ComicStudio 4 to the English-speaking world, and I stumbled upon this forum post about the network features in ComicStudio/MangaStudio 3….

Someone asks:

I noticed when I read at the Japanese Celsys site that the Japanese version Comic Studio EX 3 has Network functions (DeliveryNet, Extranet), while the Manga Studio EX 3 version has none. Any thoughts on this?

And the response they get is…

As the publishing marketplace for Manga is still fairly new in North America, with only a few players, and that 99% our market place does not speak Japanese, we made the decision to limit that feature in the English version. We do believe however if our user base requests this feature in newer versions, and the market place grows as we do believe it to do so, we will introduce the network capability back into the EX (English) version.

Excuse me, what? What did you just say?

Okay, I have a really stupid question. Why in the name of FUCK are you people removing features ‘just cuz’? I ran into the same problem with the removal of ‘rubi’ and other Japanese typography features. (Interestingly enough the dialogs are still intact and translated in MS3, but not linked to anything.)

As the seemingly last bastion of common fucking sense on the internet, sometimes shit really galls me. How about you just translate the goddamn software and let the end user worry about how they fucking use it? Seriously. It’s a fucking $300 piece of software. Someone should not have to feel the need to buy the program in TWO LANGUAGES just because you didn’t deem some features fucking IMPORTANT.

Guess what? Sooner or later Celsys is going to look at the English userbase and decide they want more than ‘their cut’ of the sales, and they’re going to make a fully-functional English language version and sell it direct. Do you know the name of this game? It’s called YOU’RE FUCKED.

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Meditations on the Meaning of Baka-chan
 
  

05/10/08 @ 06:04:11 am, Categories: Life of Baka, Baka-chan vs. YOU, 151 words, 985 views  

So, a lot of people out there think they know everything. (I’m one of them…only, I’m right.) And plenty of them have opinions on the nick Baka-chan. (Especially the Pioneertards. ‘zomgroffle little stupid?’) Let me start by telling you that you are quite simply wrong.

First and foremost it is a trap. As we all know, one of my favorite pastimes is being a massive asshole on the internet, and generally calling people on their stupid shit because I am quite simply stupid-shit-averse. Nothing pisses in these peoples’ Cheerios more than getting their ass handed to them by someone they think of, from the outset, as being stupid. The name Baka-chan suits that purpose nicely.

But its actual contextual source is the idiomatic expression 「馬鹿も一芸」 ‘bakamoichigei’ roughly meaning ‘even a fool has one talent’.

So yeah, I may be a fool…but at least I’m a TALENTED fool. What’s your excuse?

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Anonymous did it!
 
  

05/06/08 @ 09:45:25 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The World, Baka-chan vs. YOU, 337 words, 1056 views  

So, for those of you who don’t know, some kid from Albuquerque– Nick Garza –who went to the same high school as some people affiliated with GPMoD, and through some weird coincidence ended up going to Middlebury College, disappeared in the middle of the night on February 5th, and has not been heard from since.

So, I look out the window and there’s something going on in the parking lot of the block across the river… My father said it was Fox 44 when he got back from the store, and I quickly found this

Fox, what the fuck? And seriously. I think his mom really needs to just go home and re-evaluate things. This is some pretty desperate straw-grasping shit. Kids tag shit all the time around here. There’s permanent marker and silver paint marker tags all over the place. Am I surprised you found a smiley face? No. I bet I can find ten more. (And I don’t bother with that whole ‘outside’ thing that much.)

It’s a terrible thing that happened to your son, it is. But is it going to make you feel better thinking he was slashed by some psycho, instead of the more realistic probability that he wandered out into the cold and had some terrible accident befall him? I mean, we had a horrible ice storm happen within a 72 hour period there… This shit happens. All he’d have to do is slip and hit his head, and it’s Game Over.

If you want to tilt at windmills, by all means, that’s your right. Want a nice big one to go after?

The ’smiley face killers’ are actually a more violent sub-section of the ruthless terrorist organization known as Anonymous. The murders are all over the place because members of Anonymous are all over the place. A smiley face certainly fits the profile of internet culture. Many members of Anonymous could even be other students at victims’ schools!

Feed THAT to Fox news, they’ll cream their shorts. They LIVE for that shit.

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what in the fuck now?
 
  

05/02/08 @ 12:24:39 am, Categories: Life of Baka, Baka-chan vs. The World, 120 words, 1045 views  

…there is a guy in the hallway taking pictures of two girls kissing on the stairs outside my apartment… I am both intrigued and disturbed by this bizarre new development.

I guess they think with the empty parking lot that no one is here. Guess again. But seriously. It’s midnight and there’s some kind of girl-on-girl photoshoot taking place outside my apartment.

The following are things it has occurred to me to do:

  1. Offer my services as a (real) photographer.

  2. Just see what the fuck is going on.

  3. Run out into the hallway half naked with my rifle.

  4. Yell “YOU DAMN KIDS, GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!".

At any rate, I’m far too lazy to go take a look.

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Dear Jack Thompson...
 
  

03/29/08 @ 07:47:20 pm, Categories: Baka-chan vs. The Gaming Community, Baka-chan on Games, 562 words, 1018 views  

Now that I have your attention…

I don’t like you personally. I find your conduct to be deplorable. You are impulsive, ill-mannered, and occasionally quite juvenile. All this aside, I can’t help but want to ask some straight forward questions, out of curiosity. Because I don’t think you put your best foot forward a lot of the time. A lot of the things you say or do border on absurdity, and I can’t imagine you have gotten so far in life being only that way…so what changed?

Believe it or not, there ARE some things we agree on. Rap music is vile crap, and I don’t like the kinds of messages that most of it contains. I also don’t believe that minors should be allowed to play mature video games. I don’t think many of them should be allowed to access a lot of the internet, either…but that’s a fight for another time.

I think the major difference in our views is that you think that the game companies are responsible. And I think the responsibility is more personal. Not literally ‘personal responsibility’ because I don’t think it’s fair for kids to be bombarded with ads for the latest mature videogame, hear about how it’s so great from everyone, and then be expected to force themselves not to buy it.

Videogames have a ratings system. It’s SUPPOSED to prevent mature games from being sold to minors, and last time I checked, it’s the policy of most games retailers to try and enforce that. So, where does that leave us? The kids either buy the game online, or have their parents buy it for them at retail. (Since they need their parents’ credit card to buy online, it’s the same thing anyway…)

So, if a parent goes in to Gamestop and buys Grand Theft Auto IV for 12 year old little Jimmy, who’s at fault? Unless I am mistaken, you say it’s Take-Two Interactive and Rockstar Games’ fault. Why is that? Now, if little Jimmy went in and managed to buy it himself, who’s fault would it be? It should be Gamestop’s, shouldn’t it? They’re not supposed to sell him a Mature-rated game. It’s not the game companies’ fault, because their game isn’t illegal in any way, and it is rated in a way that if everyone else is doing their jobs, little Jimmy shouldn’t be able to have it.

Let’s take games out of the equation altogether.

‘Little’ Jimmy is 19 now. He can buy all the mature games he wants, but right now, he wants some beer. If a clerk isn’t doing their job properly, and sells him the beer despite being underage, the clerk and/or the store is in trouble. Likewise, if he got someone of legal age to buy it for him, that person would be in trouble. Not the beer company.

See how similar the situations are? It doesn’t make any sense to treat games differently. Instead of trying to punish videogame companies for exercising their first amendment rights*, wouldn’t it make more sense pushing for parents and retailers to adhere to the rating system already in place to keep little Jimmy from buying the game?

* I do not make any sort of moral judgment here about these games… Quite honestly, I don’t like them either… But for completely different reasons. They’re just not fun for me.

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A peek inside the mad, mad, mind of Baka-chan. Animator, artist, hater of stupid people, and evil genius. Look upon the undoing of all order in the universe, and tremble.
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